A true friend learns the song of your heart. That’s what we said.
An even better friend learns the harmony to that song.
The best married couples are often not those where the spouses are most akin to one another, but rather those who learn to complement each other. The best friends do the same.
An example for the men: there is nothing better than a good quarterback to make a football team. But what would happen if you put 11 quarterbacks on the field? Well, at least they wouldn’t all be sacked, but you might run into some other problems.
Ladies, think of your favorite spice from the kitchen. Don’t you love the way just a sprinkle enhances the flavor of a well-prepared dinner? What would happen if you were to substitute all the other spices with just that one? Catastrophe!
Any good musician can quickly add a harmony to a song he hears. He listens first, thinks second, and slowly begins to sing the notes that complement the melody. A song without a harmony is like a football team with 11 quarterbacks, or a meal with only one spice: it’s okay, but it could be a lot better.
A friend gets to know his friend, listens to his song: the way he is, what he likes, what motivates him. He thinks and then begins to act in such a way that he complements his counterpart.
That is the source of real teamwork and the start of a deeper friendship. When you know your friend’s strengths you can build on them. When you know his weaknesses, you can be there to pick up his slack, cover his back.
So what does that mean on a practical level? If your friend is a great swimmer, you’ll be quicker to invite him to Cancún than to the Rockies. If you know your buddy has a problem with alcohol, when you go out to party, you’ll stay clear of the pubs. The principle is easy enough.
Now apply it at a deeper level. Let’s say I have a friend who has low self-esteem. He has a lot of talent, but he really thinks the others can do everything better than he can. I will be extra careful about bringing him into situations where there is a good chance that he will mess up, because he’ll just sink deeper. Since I’m a good friend, I don’t just recognize his weaknesses; I see where he is strong and how those strengths can help him overcome his weaknesses. If he’s a great speaker, I give him the chance to speak publicly. A success. Suddenly he begins to feel differently about himself. He sings his song a little louder and I sing the harmony a little stronger too.
You can’t finish getting to know someone. But that also means you will never finish being able to help them better. Now that’s exciting! You can learn to be there for anyone when they need you, but only if your friendship is strong enough to be happy singing the second voice.
By David Yep
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