No Girlfriend for You?

By Benjamin O'Loughlin 

Joe looking for a girlfriend is wonderful, but John shouldn't. Why? Because of who they are.

You can't change your DNA. You can dye your hair, but it will always grow back out. Your parents influenced your choices as you grew up. The blog you're reading is influencing you right now.

What's left?

A lot. You already exist, full of qualities both good and bad, and you can't change any of that. But you can change the other you, the one that's made up of the countless actions you perform every day. In fact, this other you is in constant flux as you waver between good and evil, or good and better.

Change is certain. Staying good and getting better are the hard part.

Suppose you want to. That takes care of your intention--the why behind your actions. You're left with the what. What's the right thing to do? How can you know? By knowing yourself.

What's good for you depends on what you are, who you are, and what your situation is.

What you are: you're a human being. Just like there are chemicals that are bad for your lawn, there are things that are bad for humans. No one can do them, and anyone who does is committing evil. 

Who you are: you are a person who has already made decisions and accepted responsibilities. For Joe—about to finish college—looking for a girlfriend is a great thing to do. For John it isn't: he's married with 3 kids. And John's decision isn't about not having fun. It's not negative. It's positive. It's about loving his wife, his children, and ultimately about loving who and what he himself is.

Finally, your concrete situation: from a head cold to winning the lottery, your everyday life and circumstances make your patience and generosity, or lack thereof.


You can't change who you are right now. But you do control the future of the other you. Understanding what you are, the who you are, and what's going on in your life is the key to doing the right thing, and building yourself into someone to be proud of.